Forever Young Part 3: Nell's Video Diaries
by DARWIN51
Summary: Kensi and Nell's brother discover Nell's video diaries, documenting her past 2 years in Los Angeles. Kensi POV, Neric and Densi. Classic tragedy with bits of comedy mixed in. Part 3 of "Forever Young"


A/N The third and final installment of my "Forever Young" series based off the Rod Stewart song. I highly recommend Part 2, this may be a bit confusing if you haven't read it, but you can definitely still read this anyways. Part 1 and Part 2 ½ will come at a later date. This is about Kensi and Nell's brother finding Nell's video diaries. Much Neric and Densi. Here is the playlist for Part 3:  
Alone Tonight- Genesis  
Let it Be- the Beatles  
The Crow and the Butterfly- Shinedown  
Here Without You- 3 Doors Down  
Circle Backwards- Mark Provart

This took me months and cost me points off my grade average so please review! Here is Forever Young: Part 3: Video Diaries

I scanned the crowd of passengers unboarding flight 507. I had only seen Lev once before, when we had to consult him for a case, and even that was over skype. I could see lots of tourists; after all, it _was_ a flight from Rio to L.A., with a 2 hour layover in León.

I spotted a man wearing brown cargo pants that were clearly from the military, and a white t-shirt. He had golden brownish-red hair, just like Nell's, and he looked to be in his mid 20's. He also seemed to be in a hurry. "Lev! Lev Jones?" I called. He turned his head, but I lost him in the crowd. Then I spotted him again, but he was walking away, probably thinking he had just imagined it. "Lev." I caught up to him and gently grabbed his arm. He turned around and I motioned for him to follow me to a less busy area. He must've recognized me because he followed me without question. Once we were in a clearing, I said "Agent Kensi Blye with NCIS. "

He nodded, "I remember you." He said. "You here to take me to Nell?"  
I shifted my feet. If it had been a different situation, I may have taken the time to notice how attractive he was.  
But I was about to give him the second, maybe first worst news of his life. "Actually…" I shifted my feet again and looked down at my shoes. "She's uh…she didn't…" god, this was harder that I thought, not that I thought it would be easy. I looked back up at him, fear flooded his face. I could tell by his eyes he knew what I was going to say. "_No,"_ he whispered.

"I'm _so_ sorry." I said with sincere emotion, something I'm not usually good at.

He just stood there, then put his hands in his pockets, nodded and said "Okay. Okay." He just kept nodding. I had no idea what to do. Suddenly he spun around and shoved the garbage can next to him about ten feet. He paused for two seconds, then ran over to the garbage can saying "Sorry! Sorry! Oh geez I'm so sorry!" he was stuffing the garbage back into it and tried to pick it up but he was tackled by at least four security guards. I ran over to help him but he just let them cuff him without any fight.

"Stop! This is a big misunderstanding. He's not dangerous!" I said.  
"Are you with him?" one of the guards asked.  
"Yes."  
"Then you're coming with us too." He grabbed my arm but I twisted him off. In any normal circumstance, I would have put up a big fight, but right now I just wanted to get us out of here as quickly as possible.

I followed them to a room where I waited as they took Lev to another room for a strip search. They brought him back in and shoved him into a chair. "Why did you throw the garbage can?" Someone asked him. "I'm..So..Sorry." he punctuated each word.  
"We don't have time for bullshit, answer the question!"  
"I was very upset" He said calmly.  
"That's no excuse to go throwing garbage cans around an airport is it?"  
I snorted a laugh. It felt like middle school all over again, and we were in the principal's office.  
"You think this is funny?!" the guard challenged.  
I've had enough angst for today. I narrowed my eyes and leaned in close to him. "_Hilarious_" I said. I think I saw a little smile out of Lev.

Unsurprisingly, the security guard completely flipped his shit. "Do you want to make this difficult? Because I can make this very difficult for you." He said with steam nearly blowing out his ears. "No, sir" I replied as if nothing happened.

"A possible threat to national security is not a _joke_." The security guard said. I looked back over at Lev. He had his head buried in his arms on the table and I could not see his face. "Can I see some I.D, young lady?" the security guard was still in my face.

I pulled out my wallet and showed him my driver's license, making sure he could see my badge, too. I sighed as I folded up my wallet, put it away, and said "Look, we've all had a long day, he just got off a 14 hour flight, and we want to go home as easily and as soon as possible. I promise you we are _not_ a threat in any way, nor do we mean harm. We love this country, and we both work hard to defend it."

At that moment, two more guards walked in with Lev's bag that they had searched. "We found this, sir. Just thought you should know." A young, skinny guard handed something to the first guard who had been yelling at us. It was Lev's military ID. The first guard looked at Lev, then at me. He sighed. You two are free to go. Just try to control your temper next time."

Lev just nodded his head and kept his eyes on the floor. I was surprised how insults just bounced off of him, Nell would've had a snappy comeback.

Lev gathered his things and we were escorted to the front doors. Once we got outside, I looked at Lev. He seemed like he hadn't quite processed what I'd told him…or what I _hadn't _ told him… but I could still tell he was upset. Geez, I was beginning to sound like Nate.

Lev asked "What's the cheapest hotel in-"

"You can stay at my place" I cut him off. He was hesitant, almost like he didn't trust me. I guess that's just what the Army does to you. "…Are you sure?" he asked.

"Of course! Besides, I think I have a lot to explain."

"Yeah, you do." He said coldly.

It felt kind of unfair to say "I'll tell you when we get back." and withhold that kind of information from him. So I said "I'll tell you everything, wherever you want to hear it." I guess he still didn't know exactly what happened.

"Right here, right now. I'm tired of being kept in the dark. What the hell happened to my sister?" He threw down his duffel and sat down on the curb.

My heart broke for him. The anniversary of his brother's death was coming up in just a few days. Now he had lost two siblings in one year, and he wasn't even allowed to know anything about Nell's death. I sighed and sat down next to him, right there in the parking garage, just outside the airport doors, in the dark. "You know it's all classified information, and we aren't supposed to tell you." I said.

"If you weren't going to tell me you would have made up a lie already."

"Touché." I replied. "There was an explosion." I gave him a moment to let that sink in while we sat there in the dim orange light of the parking garage. "Her and Eric- you know Eric, right?" Lev nodded, but he was looking in the other direction. "They were in a building alone, but my partner and I were right outside as back up." I decided to leave out some detail because it was still a classified, unsolved case. I took a deep breath and continued. "They accidentally triggered a bomb, and they had 20 seconds, but the door was locked. I got into the building but…I didn't get to them in time. Nell went to the hospital with serious injuries, Eric died protecting her." I paused "And she died in the hospital this morning."

Lev was silent for about 5 minutes, until finally, without turning around, he said weakly "Was she in pain?"

I decided to give him the simple version of the truth "No." I said softly. He was silent again. I took a good look at Lev while he was turned away. Now that I could see him clearly he really didn't look like he could be Nell's triplet. He had to be at least 6 feet tall, he had a strong muscular build. When Nell first started working at OSP, her hair was a dark red that was obviously dyed. Now, that had all grown out, and she had the same dark-golden-brown sort of color that Lev had. Other than that, I couldn't see any similarities.

We sat there on the curb inside the parking garage, in the dark except for a few lights scattered around the ceiling, watching cars go in and out. We stayed like that for at least 20 minutes, _tick, tick, tick, tick_

He linked his hands together and put his head between his knees and put his hands on his head. I tried to think of what I could do to help. I could offer to take him to see her, usually that helped people with closure. But then I remembered how shaken Nell was about having to identify Cameron's body, and she mentioned Lev was with her for that, so I decided against that idea. "Lev?" I said quietly, in case he wasn't ready to talk yet.

He was still silent. "Is there some place you want to go?" I asked, thinking maybe some comfort food or something might help.

"Let's just go back to your place, I really need some sleep. We should probably start to clean out her apartment tomorrow." He said.

I was shocked, he was actually accepting this quicker than I thought. Maybe he was like Deeks, that type of person that Hetty told us about. Although Lev didn't seem much like he wanted to talk about it. I stood up and stepped off the curb onto the damp pavement, attempting to locate my car. Lev picked up his bag and reluctantly followed.

When I finally found my car, he tossed his bag in the back and climbed into the passenger seat. I started my car and looked over at him, and was startled. Now that I could see his face in the light up close, he bears striking resemblance to Nell. They had the same hazel eyes and the same nose. I decided to start driving before he noticed me staring at him. Once we got out of the airport area, the streets were dark and quiet, which is unusual for Los Angeles.

When we got back to my apartment, I cleaned off the fold-out couch in the spare room, which was a mess. I was about to offer him the bed, but then I thought it might be too weird to have the girl offering the guy her bed. He walked around my apartment, exploring, or maybe checking the perimeter, finding exits, I don't know. Whatever paranoid soldiers do, because he seemed to be one. I set up the fold-out couch for him, and as soon as I left the room, he shut the door behind me.

Again, I couldn't fall asleep, so I watched the TV in my room quietly, and ended up falling asleep with the TV on.

When I woke up, it was 7:30 in the morning. You know how people say that when they wake up, there's a few seconds of bliss, don't remember if something bad happened to them? It's complete bullshit. Like my brain would ever let me forget what happened, conscious or not.

I walked out of my room to find Lev sitting on the couch, looking at something in his lap. "Good morning" I greeted as I walked over to him to see what he was doing. He quickly closed what looked like a book, and stuffed it in his pocket. Deciding not to even ask what it was, instead I offered "Do you want some coffee?"

He shook his head without saying anything. "Do you want anything to eat?" I asked.

He shook his head again "I've already been to the coffee shop down the street. I brought this, too." He laid today's newspaper out on the table.

"Oh. Okay, thanks." I was a little surprised that he had already been up and out, but I guess I shouldn't have been since he's probably used to getting up much earlier.

I went and took a shower, then made myself some breakfast. He sat down at the table with me. "So, what do you want to do today?" I asked him. I really wanted to visit the team, but I spent all day yesterday with Callen, and I think everyone kind of needs their space for now.

"Well, I think we should at least get a start on clearing out Nell's apartment. I can't stay in Los Angeles forever, and I want to help, so I think sooner rather than later would be best." He said.

I swallowed and nodded. "So when do you want to go?" I asked.

He looked down at my breakfast in front of me. "When are you going to finish that cereal?"

xxxx

We climbed the stairs to Nell's second-floor apartment. Lev reached the door first, and stopped, as if suddenly realizing we had no way of getting in. "I got it." I said, reaching for the plant next to Nell's door, where she kept her spare key. Most people keep their spare key in the soil of their plant or under it. When Nell showed me where she kept her spare key, she said someplace like that was too obvious. Instead, she had made a small green pouch underneath one of the leaves of the fake plant, and kept the key in there.

I grabbed the key and went to unlock the door, but I found Lev was holding out his hand for the key. I let him open it, and he slowly stepped inside.

The whole place just smelled like Nell. I remember the scent from all the other times I've been here. It was kind of a sugary smell, and a little bit like fruit.

When you first walked in, you were standing in the kitchen. Off to the right was the rest of the small apartment. From there, directly left was her bedroom, and next to that was the spare room. To the right was the living room, with the couch and the television and the bookcase. Directly in front was the dining room table, since her kitchen was too small for a table.

Lev slowly walked off to the living room, looking at pictures on the bookcase. I stepped out of the kitchen, and almost bumped my elbow on something to my left. I gasped inside, but made no noise outside, and stared at the tragic sight in front of me.

Peter. I had completely forgotten about Peter. Now the beautiful green bird lay cold and motionless at the bottom of the cage. She named the bird after Peter Pan, because he was all green. She told me the man at the pet store said it was a boy, but once, Deeks was over, who I guess is the expert on parakeets, and said it was a girl. Of course, Eric jumped in with one of his bad puns, and called it peteHER. I almost groaned out loud just thinking about it.

I turned back to Lev, to see if he was looking. He was just placing a photograph back on the shelf, and he noticed me looking at him. I quietly motioned for him to come over. He strode across the carpet, still wearing his boots, and stopped next to me. "Peter." He said, then continued past me into the bedroom. I forced myself to turn away from the bird and followed him into the bedroom.

There really wasn't much to see, the bed was made, there were a few more family photos on the dresser, but other than that the room was pretty much spotless. It would easily put my room to shame. Then again, so would most rooms.

The bathroom was connected to the far side of the bedroom. As strange as the thought of going through her bathroom was, I knew someone had to do it, to pack up all her stuff, or throw it out.

That was when it really hit me: This stuff didn't belong to anyone anymore. I wasn't _invading _anyone's privacy by going through all this stuff. There was no one to claim it, and nothing was going to happen to it unless I did. I mean, I'm sure Lev would be uncomfortable going through Nell's tampons and whatnot.

Stepping into the bathroom, it looked completely normal, like someone was still living there. Of course it should, though. When Nell left Thursday morning, she didn't know she would never be coming back. There was a toothbrush on the counter, a hairbrush, and a cord hanging out of a drawer of a hair dryer or something.

I kind of didn't want to touch anything; it just looked like maybe she was going to come back for it. I heard Lev leaving the bedroom, and decided I should leave too, until he tells me what he wants me to do to help clean up.

I saw him opening up her laptop that was on the table. I wandered back into the kitchen, and noticed something I hadn't noticed before. There was a plate and a mug sitting in the sink, a puddle of water on the plate, with little crumbs floating in it. The mug was stained brown, as if there had been coffee in it not so long ago. The newspaper was folded on the small table in the corner, and the crossword was halfway done.

"Hey…Kensi come here."Lev called from the dining room. I turned and saw Lev sitting at the dining room table in the far chair, facing me, with the laptop open in front of him. I walked over and peeked around the corner at the laptop screen to see what he was looking at. The desktop screen was showing. Surprised, I asked "How'd you get in? Isn't it password protected?"

"Fingerprint protected, actually." He replied. Knowing the question that was coming next, he quickly answered "I put a little bit of powder on the scanning pad. Then pressed on it with wax paper. It's a trick Nell taught me." He said.

"Wow." I replied, moving next to him. I wasn't surprised Nell would know something like that. "Where'd you get that stuff?" I asked.

"I brought it with me. I knew something would be fingerprint protected." He circled a folder with the cursor. "Look at this."

There was a folder clearly labeled "VIDEO DIARIES"

Lev looked at me, then double-clicked the folder.

There was a list of video files, each labeled with a date, starting from 10/1/10 and ending with 8/28/12. Lev double-clicked again on the first one.

The screen flickered to life, and we saw Nell adjusting her laptop screen so we could see her clearly. "_Okay, um. This is Nell Jones, The date is October 1__st__, 2010. I've decided to start some video diaries to kind of document my fresh start here in LA."_ She smiled.

It was almost too much just to hear her voice and see her face after I had convinced myself I never would again. I didn't look over at Lev, but I couldn't even imagine what it must be like for him. Although, he didn't spend the last two years with her, I imagine he must've gotten used to not seeing her. But for the rest of the team and I, it was so unnatural, now it feels like that unnatural silence has been shattered, and I am forced to convince myself all over again that she is really gone. That this smiling face looking at me right now has been taken from us for good. And as much as seeing her on video feels like a shot at redemption, nothing is going to bring her back. I felt tears in my eyes.

"_I start my new job as Intelligence Analyst for NCIS in a few days, so that's exciting! Dad really didn't want me to leave, but he made me promise to call him at least every other day so…" _she rolled her eyes_. "I guess he's just nervous, especially after Lev's big scare."_

I gave Lev a look, and he mumbled "I was shot" quickly then motioned back to the video.

"_I'm really excited about being in LA, as much as I love New York, it has too many bad memories, and I think LA is exactly the fresh start I've been looking for. It's a lot like New York, the odd people, the busy streets, but LA is different, too. There's palm trees, for one thing; the beaches are much better than the ones back home. Oh, and did I mention __no snow__!_

_I don't exactly live in the best part of town, but certainly not the worst, which is better than I can say about where I grew up. This apartment building is basically poor families and college kids. Hmm, what else to say about this place? There's a huge stain on the carpet, the windows are all old and smudgy, so I don't get a lot of light…oh, and the bathroom sink leaks, and it's driving me crazy! But I really can't complain, I'm just glad to be out of Jeff's zoo! I don't think I've ever gotten better sleep than since I moved here. Anyways, I'll try to do this video diary thing often, if I'm not too busy. Bye!"_ She waved at the camera, then shut it off.

I looked over at Lev. His eyes were red and puffy, and he was still staring at the screen. I let him take his time and eventually he swallowed then looked back at me. He swallowed again and let out a little breath, like he was going to say something. He turned back to the screen again. I looked around the apartment, and it didn't look that bad. Then I remembered that Nell had moved since she first got to LA, probably once she had more money. Lev moused over the next file, labeled 10/13/10. I nodded and he clicked on it.

The camera turned on and we saw Nell again. She was wearing a sweater, and she pulled it closer around her._ "Never thought I'd see a cold day in Los Angeles. Yeah, it's only about 50 degrees, so this is considered warm where I come from. But I'm still cold. At least I'm not shoveling snow though! Anyways, today is October 13__th__, 2010, also known as my first day at work! I've already met with Hetty before, but I'd never met the team until today. I met my new partner, Eric. I think he tried to be nice, but I can definitely tell he doesn't want me around. Hetty told me the team recently lost a member, and they recently got an LAPD liaison. I feel so bad for them, I can definitely see why Eric doesn't want me there, he probably sees me as sort of a replacement. Same thing with Agent Callen and Agent Hanna, they weren't necessarily mean, but they also weren't exactly friendly either. It must be so hard for them, I wish there was something I could do. Agent Blye is the only other girl on the team, well, technically she told me I could call her Kensi. Anyways, at least she was nice to me; I think she's just glad to not be the only girl anymore. And Detective Deeks, he's been really helpful. Since he's rather new himself, he knows what it's like. He showed me around, and kind of gave me the "do's and don'ts" about the team. For example, don't talk about Agent Callen's first name. I don't think that one was really an issue though, because as far as I'm concerned, his first name is Agent. Also, don't make any comments about Kensi's driving. I don't see any reason for me to be in a car with her anyways so that one's not really a problem either. Don't talk politics with Hetty. There weren't really many "do's" to Detective Deeks's speech. So basically, lay low for a while. Which I guess I can try to do. Anyways, I have to work again in the morning, so I should probably get some sleep. Bye!" _She waved to the camera, then it turned off.

_11/23/10  
_When the screen opened Nell was sitting at the table. She started _"Today is November 23__rd__, 2010, this is just a quick update since I'm really busy. I just wanted to say that I think things are getting a lot worse with Eric, he acts like he really doesn't want me there and he doesn't even try to hide it. He points out out every single thing I do wrong, I'm not going to leave though, I won't give him that kind of power. Also! You'll never guess who I ran into the other day. Nate. I guess things are cool between us now, he didn't seem to still be carrying that grudge. He works at OSP as a psychologist. He seemed really cool with me, I hope all those bad feelings are gone between us, because he really is a nice guy." _

"It's not your fault." I heard Lev whisper to himself next to me.

"_Anyways, that's all I wanted to say, so…bye."_

_1/16/11_

As soon as the screen turned on, we saw Nell wearing a sad smile_. "So today is January 16__th__, 2010-I mean 2011. Wow, I gotta get used to saying that! Anyways, it's also my 23__rd__ birthday. So…happy birthday to me…" _She looked around_ "because no one else remembered." _She paused _"Well, that's not true, Lev and Dad called, but Lev only had a few minutes to talk, and like I said before, Dad just had his surgery yesterday, so he was pretty tired. Wait…did I mention that earlier? Now I'm not sure…whatever. But, I don't really have any friends here in LA, so I didn't really expect anyone to know. I _did_ mention it to Eric about a week ago, but I still think he hates me. I used to think maybe I could be friends with one of the agents, but they seem to be ignoring me, whenever they need something they always address us as "Eric" not "Eric and Nell". Actually, once when Agent Callen thanked Eric, Kensi added "and Nell" so maybe at least _someone_'s starting to accept me. Well even if they don't like me that's just too bad because they're stuck with me. I'm not leaving just because of some coworkers. I like my job, I get good pay, maybe even enough to move out of this apartment soon. So I'm not going anywhere. Hopefully Lev'll get more phone time tomorrow. After all, it's his birthday too! Alright. I'm going to sleep. This day has been long enough." _She waved at the camera and quickly shut it off.

_3/7/11_

"_This is just a quick update because I have to run, but I haven't done this in a while so here goes. I met this great new guy, Corey, a few weeks ago, he's really sweet and nice and I think he likes me a lot. We've been on a few dates and I'm really glad I met him. And one more quick thing, about having friends, I think Kensi would be a nice person to be friends with. Unfortunately, I don't get to talk to the agents very much, only when we brief them on their new cases in the mornings. Anyways, that's all I wanted to say, so I'll try to update this more often." _The camera turned off without even a goodbye.

_4/12/11_

"_So today was kind of an interesting day. First, I almost cracked my head open on my kitchen floor this morning. There was a huge puddle of water in the middle of the floor, and I slipped in it and hit my head on the counter on the way down, and landed on my arm, it got pretty bruised up. It turns out the puddle was from a leaking air vent in my ceiling. Then, I get to work, and Eric has to go undercover in the field. He gets lured into this testing chamber of sorts, and they lock him in and start it up. The chamber started to freeze Eric, and Sam and Callen couldn't get it open, so it was all on me to unlock it wirelessly from OSP. Then the chamber began to heat up, and Eric was about to burn, but I finally managed to open it and Sam and Callen got him out. Fortunately, he was okay, but a little pissed at Deeks for using the term "Frelted." I thought it was hilarious. Anyways, I hugged him when he got back; I think he's starting to get used to me, I don't feel like he hates me anymore. So that's a good thing, maybe we can even be friends. Whatever, I'm really tired, I'm gonna go."_

She hesitated_ "Okay, one more thing. _She looks around as if someone might overhear her_. "I didn't really bump my head this morning. That was a lie, that's just what I told anyone who asked. The truth is... last night, Corey was mad at me because I came home late again. I have to work long hours, but he's not exactly buying it. I guess choosing to say I'm a nurse works out well, because they actually _do_ have long hours, but he still thinks I'm cheating. So he got really mad and he pushed me into the wall, and grabbed my arm hard, I mean really hard..." _she looked down and rubbed her arm _"it was just a really quick thing, like 5 seconds and it was over, but my head hit the wall pretty hard, and I got dizzy. But after those 5 seconds, he immediately let me go and apologized profusely, I think he genuinely felt bad. He _is_ a little bi-polar, and sometimes he acts out and he can't help it. But he felt so bad, asking if he hurt me, offering to bring me ice, and I just felt bad for him, so I said I was fine. Once he left though, my headache got so bad that I went straight to bed. I don't even remember falling asleep, but I guess I slept in my clothes. Anyways, it wasn't as bad this morning, and when anyone asked about the bruises on my arm, I told them the story with the water puddle. Okay. That's all I wanted to say. I'll try to do these more often." _she waved at the camera then the screen went black.

_7/20/11_

When the camera turned on, we could barely see Nell, it was so dark_. "Okay," _she whispered_. "It's July 20__th__, at least I think. It's 11:56 at night, so I don't want to be too loud, I don't want to bother the neighbors. Also, It's dark because I don't like having the lights on at night. But I'll use a flashlight later for what I have to show you_." She took a deep breath_ "Okay. For the past few months, Corey has been hurting me. More recently, he's stopped being apologetic about it. Honestly, I'm really scared right now. Here's what happened: Last night, I got home late again. He told me to stop by his place after work, so I got there around 10. He started to get mad because I was late again, but we had a pretty tough case yesterday, and I had to stay late to finish up paperwork and such. But I can't tell him that. So I told him that I stopped at my house first to shower, which was dumb because he knew I was lying, because I was still wearing the same clothes I had been wearing that morning, So he accused me of cheating, and, he slapped me. I told him I wasn't, and he called me a liar and pushed me into the wall. He said he was sick of me coming home late every day, thinking he was dumb enough to believe I was just working late. So he…he punched me so hard I fell to the floor, then…he…started kicking me. My stomach, my ribs, everything. It just h..hurt so bad. Finally he left, saying that I better not tell anyone, like I haven't heard that a million times before. Anyways, he went to sleep, and I just stayed there on his living room floor, I didn't even want to move, but eventually I made it to my car and went straight home. I slept way late and I had to call Hetty and tell her I wasn't coming in today. There's no way I would have been able to hide this." _She clicks on a flashlight and shines it on her face. There is deep purple and red bruising around her left eye._ "And this." _She adjusts the camera so it's pointing at her abdomen, and she lifts up the bottom half of her shirt and shines the flashlight on it. More deep purple ugly bruising that spread across her entire stomach and even more around her ribs. I actually gasped out loud. She quickly fixed her shirt and turned the flashlight off._ "This video is just in case I ever decide to go to the police. But I don't think I ever will. They'll automatically notify the team, and I don't want them knowing about this, although I think Deeks suspects something. He's asked me a couple different times how I got bruises on my arm or face, and I'm pretty good with lies, but I don't think he always believed me. He still notices, no matter how much makeup I put on, or wear long sleeves, he somehow always knows. Alright. That's all I wanted to say. Bye."_

_8/25/11_

"_Okay," _Nell looked nervous _"Today is August 25__th__, 2011. And…a few days ago, Deeks helped me get rid of Corey. I finally told him what was going on after he started asking about my bruises again, and he said he could help. So here's what he did: _

_He hid in my closet while I was waiting for Corey to come over. When he got here, he started going on and on about how I didn't answer his calls, and at one point it got so heated that he slapped me. Deeks came running out of my closet and held up his gun at Corey, but Corey moved in front of me. So I ran over to the other side of the room and he tried to follow me, but Deeks yelled for him to freeze. Then Corey put his hands up and said "Don't you dare hurt her." And despite everything, I found the irony of that statement kind of funny. So Deeks said "Take your own advice, man. She's more afraid of you." So he left his gun in my apartment and took Corey out to the parking lot for a good old-fashioned fist fight. I'm proud to say that Deeks sure gave him a taste of his own medicine, and I don't think Corey will even be coming back to this part of town for a long time. _

_But of course, Deeks is a cop, so he couldn't just let him get away, even though I told him I didn't want to make any deal out of it, because if I filed a complaint, or there was any kind of police thing involving my name, there was no way to get around the fact that the team would be notified. So we made a compromise. He took pictures of my injuries so if I ever decide to go to the police about this, I'll have evidence. I also had to promise to not hesitate to call him if anyone ever hurt me again."_ She was smiling now _"He's a really great guy. I'm glad I got his help, and it feels really good to know that someone here cares about me. Anyways, that's all I have to say on the matter. I'll try and update soon." _ The camera turned off.

10/11/11

When the camera turned on, Nell sat there for a few seconds without saying anything, a sad look on her face, looking as if she was trying to think of what to say. _"So, as I'm sure anyone watching this already knows, my brother Cameron committed suicide last month. He jumped off the George Washington bridge in New York City. He had called me…just before he jumped, but I wasn't near my phone, so I missed it. A little while later I got a call from NYPD saying some people saw him jump, and I called him about a billion times before I called Eric, and he came over right away. He offered to fly with me to NYC, so we did, and we waited in a café all night, waiting for someone to tell us the rescue crews found him alive. Of course, that never happened. Instead, around 6 in the morning, they said they pulled a body from the water, and someone had to go identify it. Lev and I didn't think Dad's heart could stand something like that, so we went together. _

_It was…it was horrible. It was Cameron. His legs were…were twisted at odd angles from hitting the water, his entire body was covered in bruises, also from hitting the water. I don't know much about forensics and stuff, and I didn't ask, but if there was bruising, I think that means he was alive after he hit the water."_ Nell had a blanket wrapped around her shoulders, and she buried her face in it for a few seconds, before wiping her eyes and turning back to the camera. _"I just…to see my baby brother laid out on the table like that…he's still my baby brother to me, I don't care if he's 17, he's still a baby." _She had to stop for a moment _"I was the one who finally said it was Cameron, Lev didn't say a thing. _

_Okay. I don't wanna talk about this anymore." _ The screen went black.

_11/6/11_

"_Okay, I'm gonna make this short because I really don't want to talk that much right now. Let's just say in summary, things haven't been any better. Nate advised me to talk to a real therapist, since I told him it was too weird to talk to him, he's sort of like a brother to me. Anyways, I took his advice and saw a therapist once, and I don't think it helped at all, so I'm not going to continue. I think I do better if I just…_don't_ talk it out. It's way easier to just keep everything to myself. And another thing, Eric found out about Corey, and how Deeks helped and all. He's really concerned, but I told him it's over and everything's fine now. I think we're starting to become good friends, Eric and I. He doesn't hate me anymore, so that's good. Okay, that's all for now. Bye."_

_12/18/11_

Nell was smiling from the second the camera turned on. She was wearing an elf costume. _"Umm, today is December 18__th__, 2011…" _She could hardly speak because of how much she was smiling. _"I uh…"_ She was looking around the room, keeping her hand on her chin. "_…am just going to get straight to the point. I kissed Eric. I know, bombshell, right? I was in my elf costume, even though he refused to wear his. We were just talking…and I just…kissed him." _Her smile was huge. She put up her hands. "_Let me justify, we were under the mistletoe, and I was trying to get him to wear his elf costume so we could do a charity thing at the children's hospital. I think I completely took him by surprise, but he definitely didn't resist…" _She wiggled her eyebrows _"In fact, when I pulled away, he kind of leaned in more. It was exactly 4 and a half seconds. So anyways, that was enough to get him to wear his elf costume, and we went to the children's hospital for this charity thing. We handed out toys and ran activities, and it was really nice to hang out with all the kids. On the way home, we stopped for some ice cream, and got really weird looks! Anyways, he dropped me off at my place and now here I am. I just hope he's not too freaked out tomorrow, or there isn't anything weird between us. I mean, Kensi and Deeks have kissed. Kensi and Callen have kissed. Granted, both of those times were for an undercover mission, so I guess that's pretty different…" _She shook her head _"But anyways, I don't think anyone saw us, the team is on a boat right now, I feel so bad for them, they don't get to spend Christmas with their families, or even at home. Although when Hetty left I think she said something about bringing a plane for Sam. Alright, well, I gotta go get out of this costume, it's getting kind of itchy." _She reached up and scratched her shoulder under the collar of the green top. _"Bye!"_

_3/24/12_

When the camera turned on, Nell was adjusting the laptop so the camera was aimed in the right direction. _"So things have been going a lot better, I actually spend most of my evenings at Eric's, sometimes I'm just so tired I sleep over there…not like that. Anyways if I were to describe what we do at Eric's house, it would be 2 words: video games and cold pizza. Wait that's 4 words. Or 5? I don't know, does the 'and' count? Nevermind. He lives in a townhouse, so he's got a main floor, basement, and upstairs. He converted the basement into geek heaven. He has a _huge_ flatscreen tv, multiple computer screens around the room. A Wii, an Xbox, a PS3, PS2, GameCube, Sega Genesis, Nintendo 64,Super Nintendo, NES, Atari…basically every game console known to man. He said he picks them up at garage sales, or gets broken ones and sometimes he can fix them up. And he has a killer sound system! So we spend our nights with cold pizza and popcorn, playing Call Of Duty, or Legend of Zelda, or Super Mario…_anything: _Kart, All Stars, Galaxy, Bros, Party, World, Land, RPG, 64, Smash Bros, wait… Super Mario Land was only for the GameBoy right..? Well he has one of those too._

_It doesn't matter, anyways we have a lot of fun, and I think our relationship is going very well. Did I mention the relationship already? Well it's nothing official, just some cuddling, some hand holding, occasional kissing…we haven't labeled ourselves yet, we're not 'dating', but I certainly wouldn't go and start dating someone else. Like a non-committed kind of committed. A 'friend dating' kind of thing, if any of this makes sense. I mean, we both really like each other, but we have something really good, our friendship is strong, and we're afraid if we push that too much, and everything falls through, our friendship will be gone. So…baby steps. _

_Another thing, work is keeping me really busy, I barely have any free time, and the free time I do have is spent in Eric's basement! But really, keeping busy is a good thing. I can distract myself from thinking about all the shit that's happened to me in the past year, and focus on the moment, here, today. Things are getting better. It does get better. Because I love my life right now, I have the best friends anyone could ask for, and I feel safe around them, they protect me. Which is much better than Cato's version of "protecting me". Speaking of which, I haven't heard from him in a long time, since August, actually. I'm going to take that as a good thing. Also, Kensi and I are really good friends, too. It's nice to have a friend who's not a guy for once. We go out to lunch sometimes, and hang out in OSP. Eric and I have been betting on when she and Deeks are going to get together! When they go out in the field, they often forget they're wearing mics and we can hear everything they're saying. They make the perfect couple, they really do. As Eric always says "I ship it" although Eric's a little weird with that, he's started shipping video game characters, and once I heard him talking in his sleep about shipping colors." _She shook her head _"He's really weird. _

_Anyways, one more thing I wanted to say before I go, Eric and I installed Mario Kart wii in OSP! We just have to keep it a secret from the agents and especially Hetty. If Hetty found out we'd probably lose our jobs. Okay, maybe not really, but we'd be in a shitload of trouble.. And by shitload of trouble, I mean we'd be like Biff. _That _kind of shitload. Crossing my fingers that doesn't happen! Alright, I gotta go, bye!"_

_4/13/12_

"_Yesterday was exactly one year since Eric was almost frelted. He still hates it when I use that term! He just has to deal with it though, because I think it's funny. Deeks kept calling him "Rocket Man" all day, and he didn't mind that too much. But it's what happened _after_ work that I want to talk about. We went back to Eric's house for some video games, popcorn, and this time we decided to change it up, and we got Chinese food instead of pizza. But we got so caught up in Call Of Duty, we forgot to eat it. So at like midnight, Eric asked me to go upstairs and heat up the food in the microwave. When I cam e back, I said "Here's your frelted orange chicken" and he got really mad, but in a playful kind of way. Anyways, that 'playful' mood kind of lasted through the next hour, when we were done eating and back to gaming, I kept beating him in Street Fighter, so he got really 'mad' again, and tackled me, and well, right there on his game room floor…I'll leave the rest to your imagination. –On second thought, please don't try to imagine that. But you get what I'm trying to say. Anyways, it was our first time together, and he was very understanding about the fact that the last time I was with someone like that, it was with Corey, and that brought a whole shipload of painful memories. But like I said, Eric was very understanding, he made sure we weren't doing anything I didn't want to do, he's really a sweet guy. I'm very lucky." _She smiled a genuine smile, one that we hadn't seen in the other videos. _"Well, that's all I have to say. I really hope this won't screw up our friendship, although I don't know what I was so worried about, I feel like we're just as good of friends as ever. On that note…" _she waved at the camera _"I need some sleep." _Then the screen went black.

_5/29/12_

When the camera turned on, Nell had a big smile on her face. _"Today, is a very special day. Today is_-" Suddenly we got a very up-close view of someone's face. The face said something in a very deep voice that I couldn't make out. I knew the voice though.

Eric backed up and we could see him clearly._ "What is today, Nell?" _he joked_. "I don't know, Eric, why don't you tell us?" _Eric paused for a second, building up the suspense, before saying _"IT'S my birthday." _He blew one of those party rolly things at the camera and it hit dead-on, and the screen went black for a second. Nell laughed and said_ "We-ell, something else happened today too." _She gave Eric a smile. _"You wanna say it?" _she asked. _"No, you say it." _He said, looking at her with a smile.

She made an embarrassed face and said_ "Callen kind of _walked in_ on us today, if you know what I mean." _She blushed. Eric winked at the camera_ "It was getting sexyyy up in thurr." _He said_. "We were only kissing. That's it." _Nell defended._ "And my hands may or may not have been in her shirt.." _Eric told the camera. Nell elbowed him hard in the ribs without breaking eye contact with the camera_.  
"ANYWAYS." _She said loudly, with a little laugh_. "Happy 26__th__ birthday, Mister Beale." _She turned back to the camera_ "I baked him a cake." _

"_She's lying! I made the cake!" _Eric interjected_. "In _my_ oven!" _Nell replied, not realizing what she had said until she said it. Her and Eric shared a glance for a second before bursting into immature laughter, while Nell tried to say between laughing_ "Not-I me-I didn't-mean it like that!" _She had to hold Eric's shoulder to keep from falling off the chair.

"_Okay, okay" _She finally collected herself but then coughed once more from laughter._ "Fine. He baked the cake. But I tried at least!"  
"Nell, you do realize you have to actually turn the oven on first…?"  
"It was an accident! At least I added sugar this time, unlike _you_."  
"Okay, so maybe neither of us can cook. But we still got a cake. 3 hours late." _Eric said.  
_"It was worth waiting for."  
"Oh yes, we had fun "keeping busy"" _Eric winked at the camera and wiggled his eyebrows.  
Nell smacked his shoulder_ "We watched Back To The Future, Part 3"  
"Where we're going, we don't need roads!" _Eric quoted._  
"Great Scott!" _Nell exclaimed_.  
"Back to the 80's!"  
"You mean 90's_" Nell corrected_  
"Um, no, I meant 80's."  
"Eric…Part 3 was made in the 90's."  
_Eric cleared his throat_ "No it wasn't."  
"Yes it was. 1990."  
_Eric was just staring at the camera_ "No it wasn't_" he said quieter_.  
"Okay_." Nell said even quieter, like she clearly didn't believe him._  
"It's okay that I can't cook though, because she still loves me anyways." _Eric said to the camera._  
"Do not." _Nell smirked_.  
"She loves me so much. My hand is on her butt right now."  
_Nell suddenly laughed in surprise, then shook her head and told the camera_ "No it's not."  
_Eric leaned behind Nell and mouthed out _"Yes it is"_ with a big smile.  
_"Eric I can see you. Our faces are on the screen right in front of me."  
_Eric held up his hands to show that he wasn't actually touching her butt. Nell swatted his hands away and said_ "You're dumb."  
"Anyways, back to what happened with Callen, he_-" Nell started, but Eric fake-yawned and casually put his arm around her, but his arm went lower and lower behind her and he wiggled his eyebrows again. Nell jumped up and turned around to see his hand _"Stop that!" _she laughed. Eric made puppy dog eyes at her. She said something through her teeth to him that we couldn't hear. He just turned to the camera and raised an eyebrow. Then he said to the camera_ "By the way, if you wanted any cake, you can't have any. Because Nell dropped it_." He started laughing.  
_"Only because your stupid dog tripped me!" _Nell defended._  
"Hey! She's not stupid. She's probably smarter than you." _He joked_  
_Nell pulled back to look at him_ "Whoa, a little harsh with the insults there today, huh?" _She said._  
"You called me dumb!" _Eric cried._  
"You're just jealous because I'm smarter than you." _Nell responded._  
"There is no evidence of that until you tell me your IQ." _Eric said. Nell just smiled and shook her head at the camera. _"What, it's probably something like 130!" _He said, laughing, and Nell started laughing too.  
_"Who exactly are we talking to anyways?" _Eric asked._  
"Oh, I don't know. Future me? My kids? Grandkids, when they're old enough." _She turned to him_ "So behave."  
"Aye aye, captain." _He had a goofy grin._  
"Maybe these video diaries are documenting the early years of the greatest-"  
"Janitor." _Eric interrupted_.  
"_Why _on earth would I want to be a janitor?" _Nell gave him a look.  
_"I don't know. Or you could be one of those guys who design bridges."  
"An architect?"  
"Or a back doctor."  
"A chiropractor?"  
"Or the leader of the free world."  
"The President?!  
"Or one of those people that paints the parking spaces."  
"…I honestly don't know who does that." _Nell said._  
"We need more of those people."  
"We do." _She agreed_.  
"They're very underappreciated." _Eric said.  
_"…Wait, I just looked it up…" _Nell said, tapping on her phone_. "Get this…there's a company called "We Do Lines." _Both she and Eric burst into laughter._  
"Yes." _Nell gasped between laughs _"This is what I want to be when I grow up!"  
"And I'll be a skywriter! We'd be the perfect odd couple!"  
"Yes and we- oh crap we're going to be late!" _Nell said checking her watch. "_Okay, so we gotta go,"  
"-to the bedroooom!" _Eric sang in a high pitched voice.  
"_Oh my god, shut UP!" _Nell smacked his chest as he stood up "_We're going to a bar with the team for dinner." _They both went off-screen, and there was a bit of rustling around before someone said "_Is it off?" _then another voice responded _"I don't-" _then the screen went black.

_8/28/12_

When the video started, it showed Nell sitting sideways in her chair, facing to her left. She started off in an announcer's voice _"Wwwwelcome back…to Hollywood Squares! Our next contestant is a poor hobo we just pulled off the streets! Here is Eric Beealllleee!" _She turned the laptop to her left and we saw Eric sitting in a chair facing her. _"Thank you Peter, thank you. I will pick Paul Lynde in Center Square!" _Eric suddenly changed voices and said _"Paul, here is your question; Your computer won't boot up. What is most likely the problem?"_

The camera turned to Nell, and she said in a different voice "_Well, Pete. I would have to say it's likely that the hamsters running your electricity aren't running fast enough!" _Nell hit a button on her keyboard and we heard canned laughter. She changed voices again _"Mister Beale, do you agree or disagree?" _

The laptop swiveled back to Eric and he said _"Hmm….I have to agree. That sounds right to me."_

The laptop turned back to Nell _"That iss correct! "_

"_Whooo! Suck it!" _Eric said.

"Aand _you picked the Secret Square! You win $5000!" _ Nell said.

Eric spun around in the swivel chair with his arms in the air "_Yessss! I would like to thank you, Paul Lynde, and Whoopi Goldberg, and President Obama for telling me I was born this way! And my dog Scotch, for making me breakfast every morning,"_

Nell gave him a weird look.

"_-and the guy who invented gummy bears, I wouldn't be the person I am today without him. I'd also like to thank whoever fixed the internet after I broke it…And last but not least, I'd like to thank my beautiful, smart, sexy girlfriend for, well, everything. And for helping me live up my dream of being on Hollywood Squares. Thank you everyone! Thank you, thank you!"_

He leaned in to kiss Nell and put his hand over the camera. It stayed like that for a good 7 seconds before he removed his hand to show them sitting next to each other. _"Aand we're back!" _Nell said in her regular voice. _"This is just a quick update on how things are going, since I haven't done this since May. We have another guest star with us again, this is Pat Benatar."_

Eric laughed _"Why do I have to be Pat Benatar? Can't I at least be someone cool like Clint Eastwood or something?"_

"_I think you're more like Pat Benatar than Clint Eastwood."_

"_Sure, sure. Put down my masculinity. We both know who wears the pants in this relationship. Me."_

"_Eric you're not even wearing pants. You're in your boxers."_

"_Good point. It's too early for this."_

"_Maybe you could get your dog to make you breakfast?"_ She joked.

"_Or _you _could make me breakfast." _Eric suggested

"_I think we've already been over the fact that neither of us can cook. I'd probably burn the whole building down trying to make a bowl of cereal."_

"_Touché." _

Nell turned back to the camera. _"Okay. So basically I just wanted to say that things are going great, work is great", _She bumped into Eric "_he's great. I'm a very lucky girl."_

Eric put his arm around her and kissed her cheek.

"_And I think…" _she looked up at him _"I think we're getting pretty serious. Like maybe serious enough to consider telling the team."_

Eric nodded "_Although, I don't think that would be much of a surprise to anyone…"_

"_Well, yeah. Callen already walked in on us, I told Kensi, and I'm sure Deeks and Sam aren't too far behind. Callen told Hetty what he saw, which wasn't much, let me just say! 'Walking in' on someone sounds pretty heavy, it was more like…intense kissing. Nothing…" _She looked up at Eric again "_…_too_ physical, all of our clothes were where they belong," _She gave Eric a look, then laughed _"Okay we're not going to talk about this again."_

"_Anyways, if 10 years ago someone told me that this is where I would end up, I would say that's ridiculous. But honestly…I wouldn't have it any other way. Just…I'm looking forward to everything, I don't see a downside. Even though I see some terrible things at work, I know that I'm helping people and I'm around people that I love, and I'm luckier than most. And there's so much more ahead of me, I can't wait for the holidays, and Eric and I are dressing up as Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy for Halloween."_

"_Really? That's what we're going with?" _Eric asked.

"_Well," _She told the camera _"We were going to go as Abbott and Costello, but I'm not exactly sure how to make that recognizable." _She turned to Eric _"By the way, I still have those Beavis and Butthead masks I found in my dad's basement. Should we use those?"_

"_Uh huhuh huh." _Eric answered.

"…_I'm not quite sure how to respond to that…anyway, that's all I wanted to say, that things are getting better, and we're really happy together. So I'll try and update soon, maybe we can have another guest star…" _She turned and smiled at Eric. _"So until next time, bye!" _Nell waved and Eric made a face at the camera they both started laughing just as Nell turned the camera off.

~/~

I stood silently next to Deeks with my head bowed, the team and Hetty standing with me, all of us dressed in black. It was a bright, sunny day, and the fresh green grass on the hills almost made you forget it was a cemetery. I kept my eyes on the grass at my feet while family members said prayers and shared memories. I held my eyes shut as they lowered the coffins into the ground,

side by side.

As if maybe they could reach out to each other and hold hands through the earth. Some people whispered prayers, some held on to their loved ones. I just stood there with my head down, squeezing and twisting my fingers until they hurt.

We formed a line to throw flowers or other significant items onto the graves. When it was finally my turn, I knew I wasn't going to stop and make a scene about it, there were other people waiting behind me. So I placed my flowers quickly but respectfully, and turned to leave, but my heel caught a clump of grass, and before I knew it I landed face-first on the ground. I actually landed on my elbows, but nonetheless, I caused a scene.

Some people gasped, others came to see if I was okay, but ultimately it was Deeks who helped me up, and understanding, nonchalantly walked me away back to the shade of the tree. "Are you okay?"

I inspected my grass-stained elbows. "Yeah. I'm fine. Thanks." My voice was shaky. He wrapped his arms around me and held me tight as I listened to the sounds of Eric and Nell being buried forever. I didn't let go of him for a long time, I don't even remember how long. His black suit was hot from the sun when I pressed my face into it. After a while, I could feel his hands gently stroking my hair, and at times I thought his strong arms were the only reason I was still standing.

We were still there long after everyone had left. It was dark when we left. When I walked out of that cemetery I never looked back. I spent that night curled up in Deeks's arms, and every night for the next week.

But no matter what happens, life goes on. We shouldn't waste our time thinking what life would be like if they were still here, or what we'd give to have them back. Instead, I learned to let go. I re-built my emotional walls, and didn't let myself ever get too close to someone new. Deeks and I pursued a serious relationship. We attended the bonfire party for burning Eric and Nell's furniture that couldn't be donated, and had our first time together that night. Since then, we've had a few kids, and are doing our best to lead a normal life, juggling babysitters and day-care and of course, catching bad guys and saving the world.

Lev flew back to New York with Nell's step-dad, who had come to Los Angeles for the funeral. Lev committed the rest of his life to serving in the Military.

Hetty retired the year after losing Eric and Nell, and spends her days traveling around Eastern Europe, although I have my suspicions she's still doing undercover work.

Sam and Callen stayed with the team, catching bad guys and doing what they do best, although no one was ever really the same.

Nell's mysterious third brother, Cato, was captured and sentenced to death on 32 counts of murder in 12 different countries. He escaped and hasn't been heard from since.

Nate finally proposed to Rose, and she said yes. We all attended their wonderful wedding, complete with skull-shaped cookies. They now have a beautiful little girl with a son on the way.

Nell's father and step-father were finally able to get married under New York State's new Marriage Act.

The terrorist organization responsible for the deaths of Eric and Nell were never caught.

And every Thursday I visit them in the cemetery, bringing flowers or stones, or just bringing my thoughts. Because as much as I told myself I've let go, there will always be a part of me that hasn't moved on. A part of me that is still 29, hanging out with the entire team, stuck in the one time in my life I was truly happy. And that part of me sits right next to the 15-year-old little girl in the movie theater, watching Titanic, preserving innocence. They live on in our memories, while we do all the things they never got to do.

But having them in my life has made me a stronger person. It makes me cherish every day, my family, my life. Just another stupid cliché. Why things had to be this way, why it had to be them, are just some things I will never understand.

I dream of them every night.

~/~


End file.
